Let’s Talk About Mom Guilt!

Ok, let’s have a real talk about what it’s like being a mom living in a world that us expect perfection at every turn and heaven forbid the times we don’t hold that standard. Being looked down upon and even shamed by friends, family, and strangers that know nothing about you.

I personally feel guilt easily when dealing with frustration and failure as I see it with my son. Sometimes very deeply often hanging on to trivial things long after any logical person should. Becoming a mother just seemed to magnify this in me, and as much as I like to say other opinions or looks don’t bother me, I would be lying. Let’s face it I’m a human and far harder on myself as anyone else ever could be.

But THIS IS WRONG!!! We, as mothers shouldn’t instantly feel guilty just because we don’t necessarily like ourselves on any given day or second guess our own decisions after the fact.

So, let me start from the beginning of my journey into motherhood and just shoot from the hip, with what I’ve experienced so far. It started EARLY, literally. My birth was rather difficult and after 4 hours of pushing and being dilated at 10+1, my son’s giant head just wasn’t budging. (THANKS FOR THAT HUBBY!) I remember the nurses hailing the doctor at this point and she came in took a fast look and almost laughed. Saying “Yea that baby’s not coming out that way.” And ordering at this point what’s turned into an emergency c section. I vividly remember in that moment looking at my husband and apologizing for not being able to push the baby out of the chute, so to speak. Why did I do this? No Idea. Did I do anything wrong? No! Somehow, I felt I failed my husband, my child and myself for not being able to deliver my baby naturally. Why? We’re told by every piece of media shoved in our face that mothers are super heroes and mothers can do it all.  My husband on the other hand just wanted me and our unborn child to be safe and healthy. I was just swirling around all the terrible things that could now happen that I was being cut open instead. We obviously had a healthy baby boy born, and almost knowing how I felt all the nurses the moment he came out exclaimed that indeed he was too big and wouldn’t have been born naturally. Even resetting the scale 2 times cause his tall butt just had to weigh more than 8 ½ pounds.

So here I was a mom for 5 minutes and I’ve already had one little guilty spell. This passed rather quickly because I was too excited to see the tiny little human that I had been cooking for the last 10 months and who had quite honestly made my life HELL. The rest of that night was pretty much a blur, tiny potato and boob, more boob and boob. I remember waking up at around 3 am in terrible pain. I had tried and strained so hard so many positions to deliver my son, it had triggered a headache episode not to mention every muscle also ached. On top of that there was that whole thing of having an incision across my belly. With all these things, sitting in the hospital room, exhausted, I needed to rest. So, I pressed the call button.

In pops the little night nurse and asked what I needed. I NEEDED the wee babe to be taken out of the room so I could sleep. I needed to recover from an incredibly taxing day. She happily obliged and told me not to apologize, but I still felt terrible. What was happening, he’s 9 hours old and I already need a break. LADIES, if you have a C section, you’re probably going to be in the hospital for a few days at most (usually). Take the help. Let me say that again to make sure it sticks. Take, The, Help. If they want to give baby a wash let them. Ask for help and appreciated it when it is there because it isn’t always there. Don’t be afraid to speak up if its to much for you to handle, or if you need help, or rest or a break. Our bodies have been through quite the ordeal. Have them wait on you hand and foot (as long as you aren’t being some kind of momzilla) and embrace the attention and pampering, because its about to become ALL about the baby. Enjoy the rest because your future of sleep or lack thereof…. well we will get into that on another post.