Who Am I?

I've been saying since my son was about 2 months old that I wanted to start a blog for moms. A real blog, that talks about all the things people are afraid to discuss. Afraid because of the overwhelming amount of pressure that society places on a mother’s shoulders (especially a new mother). Society have made most mothers too afraid to admit they are human and need help! I'm not here to tell you how to be a mom, I'm just going to tell you my story and if it makes you feel a little better about some of your oddities, or moments of hair pulling than mission accomplished.

This isn’t a blog on how to be a housekeeper and a full-time mom, and wife and career woman and make it all look easy and be happy all the time. How this little bundle of joy should be the easiest thing a woman ever does, and if your struggling YOU must be doing something wrong. Well let’s shatter that perception right now...IT’S NOT! More importantly You're not!

Being a mom is hard, and not like running a marathon or working 40 hours and still trying to maintain a social life on the weekend and showing back up to work Monday. Studies show that even in households with two working parents that both go to work all week, mothers pick up 60% or more of the child raising responsibilities. Attempting to be bright eyed and bushy tailed every day despite being tired...no. Its endless hours of nappies changes, feedings at 12, 2, 4, 6 am for months. It’s looks from people who can’t possibly know what you’re going through as you pull a boob out and try to nurse your grumpy hungry tired baby while just out trying to get the errands run. Or my personal favorite of being a new mom and venturing out, being mean mugged I mean MEANNNNN by another mom of maybe a 3-year-old. Looking me up and down and giving me a terrible look because I was already skinny again. REALLY?! Come on ladies! We can do better than that! We owe it to one another to be better than that!

Now that we have that little bit of word vomit is out of the way, here’s a little bit about me. I'm 33 our son is 2 so basic math I didn’t have a child till I was in my 30s. I've been an athlete all my life baseball, soccer, and then I started with horses when I was 17 and I've never looked back. My husband and I have been together coming up on 11 years. *Notice this will be the part where I go off the edge and put in lots of things, I’ve been told over the years of being married and not immediate having kids. So, excuse my little crazy moment “11 years?! and you only have 1 child, 11 years and he’s only 2? 11 years? could you not get pregnant?” This was my personal favorite, to anyone who says that to another woman. You deserve to be hit by a bus, its none of your business. If you've been asked that I hope you throat punch someone. I understand that in the 1800’s when women were sold to husbands at 14 and pa needed workers to help ‘round the farm we needed to pop kids out like a human factory, but it’s 2019! Why are we (the royal we) still so focused on the reproductive habits of nearly random strangers?!

Back to the point at hand, I am cynical and sarcastic but also a horribly overly empathic person who wants to see the good in everything and every situation. I'm a nerd, I cosplay and make costumes. My favorite events at horse shows are the ones where I can dress up and perform my way and just be ridiculous. I'm loud and opinionated and unapologetically me. I inherently am very good at doing 100 things at once and losing what I'm doing halfway through which I have no doubt is incredibly frustrating to my poor husband.

Ahhhh yes, the husband, a quick bit about our relationship. We've known each other since my junior (his sophomore) year of high school. “Awwww” you say well, no we didn’t date, mainly because I would have killed him. He served 6 years in the Navy 2 deployments 1 RIMPAC and 2 INSURVs. Basically, the first 5 years of our relationship we didn’t see each other for more than 10 days in a row. Hence not having kids before he was OUT. DONE. I was DONE, then we waited another 18 months for just us time. He's wonderful, he's been the bread bringer so I can pressure my passion and ride and show and often put his needs on the back burner while I’m at the barn at 2 am watching a foal be born. Or when I would be gone at a show when he was home.

Now, the last little bit about me and it’s not an easy thing to discuss. Knowing a few inches one way or another or my husband being there instead of me. Knowing all of this could be gone, my life and no child. Or my husband not being here to watch our son grow. Right before finding out I was pregnant. I was in a catastrophic accident with one of our stallions. A young and dumb moment on his part, frustrated not being able to mount the mare. I decided to call it a day when I reached for his rope he turned and kicked out at me. Luckily, with some quick reactions, I was struck in the side of my ribcage rather than anywhere else. Dear friends and my husband were just a few feet away, watching the whole thing happen. I was nearly killed and remember saying right after, lying in the hospital, "Thank god I’m not pregnant." At this point we had been trying for a few months, but we’ll get more into that disaster later but now you'll understand why I am not afraid of judgment or to talk about things other moms may be judged on. Or unsure about discussing, I've whispered the words "am I going to die." and I meant them.

I won’t apologize for how I mom or speak or act.

I won’t judge you for being lost and scared and frustrated, because weather they'll admit it or not.

WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE.